Living, dying and dealing in a healthy way

I suppose that this isn’t the place to write about my dog who is dying from cancer. Or is it? This is a site that revolves around living life to the fullest, and using everything we have available to do it in the most healthful way possible. So shouldn’t we give consideration to the fact that life will end?

Those of you who know me know that my beloved poodle, Bolo, is my furry soulmate. My husband, Sandy, would agree. Actually the three of us are intimately bonded and have been through many good and bad times together over the last 7 years. Bolo has taken ill over the last 2 months, and has been getting weaker and sicker, but still enjoys us and loves us like only a dog can. We are showering him with love, affection, admiration and thanks as we spend our final time with our lovely child. He has strengthened our relationship through his illnesses, and has modeled unconditional love for us both.

Just before, I wanted to walk down the hill to my perennial garden so I could spray to keep the deer away. Generally I would call Bolo to come with me, but I know that he is too weak to handle that hill. So I left him to rest up by the house as I went about my business. I sprayed, I did a litle weeding, and lost myself for a few moments in my plants. Then I made my way back up the hill to the house. As I reached the top of the hill, there was my beloved Bolo, sitting in the middle of the yard, very tall and upright, just waiting for me to return. Just like he had done for so many years. I had thought I would make it through a day without breaking down in tears, but such was not the case tonight.

We are all blessed with people and creatures in our lives that give us love and teach us how to be human and real. Part of living is also acknowledging that death is there for all of us, and the timing is seldom right. I do not profess to have a handle on dealing with grief and dying, infact I am mostly a basket case in  situations like this, truth be told. But I am able to reflect on all that I have learned from my relationship with this dog, how I can be real and vulnerable and he will still love me, or even  impatient and angry–yes, he is there to love me then, too. And in those moments of realization, I understand that my anger or impatience was unnecessary most times. I recognize what Bolo sees; a woman who gets a bit overwhelmed at times but who is a genuine, loving person, a person who  is capable of being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend. Bolo does what all good dogs do- they see us as the wonderful people we can become (with a little practice) and give us reason to strive to be better. I have learned many lessons from being partnered with this lovely canine. I am sure there are still more to come.